My Journey to posting this article
Hello Timberwolf. Well my second article submitted below will explain in full, the depth of my discovery in assuring I write from the most authentic place possible. I have just now read the article on Michel, your new author and I want to say to you, “Congratulations on your energy, I feel much aligned to this guy and what he writes. I am certain our articles will be very congruent!” Like Michel I have no time for cynics and open mindedness is my forte, value everything, don’t ask its price and know it’s absolutely what you are creating; and therefore a treasure…to be sure to be sure!
I would say to the readers of Timberwolf HQ that I am sorry it took so long for me to provide my second article, except that I am not. It wouldn’t be true, we are all in process with one another and sometime richness and depth takes time to mine.
This is my third attempt to write and post an article for the Timberwolf site (hope it comes off) …each time I have been stymied and pipped at the post. The first time I was three quarter way through and my son walked in my door here in Oz from Canada, unannounced! That was fascinating, while my heart knew and sensed he was coming, I felt him in my presence for three days before he got here, but his physical absence caused my left brain to dismiss it as just missing him. Of course my logical mind didn’t have a clue and was gobsmacked when he appeared and found it difficult to believe he could be in Canada one minute and then here, now, a moment later. I suppose that’s the difference between the right (heart connected) and left (mind connected) brain and how they function. The right brain so allied to the heart knows things at a deeper level and yet the left brain so lost in its logic is often none the wiser, yet unwilling to give the right brain it’s head (pardon the pun).
In my next attempt I had finished the post and my laptop, being a computer, I know there is no need to explain how they do these things, well it literally gobbled it up and I lost it. Most of it anyway!
Being a metaphysician as I am, I have learnt in these instances to let go and surrender to the moment. Feeling within the emotion (which I know I have created) elicited through this experience, I can dig deep, follow the trail as Sherlock Holmes would do with his magnifying glass, into the mysterious deeper realms of the subconscious mind for a fuller understanding of what’s really going on. Here’s what I found and I totally love and appreciate this site and the opportunity it gives me to share this with you. It’s like drawing or painting a picture except I use words rather than brush or pencil.
My article – Life’s Discoveries Continue
I sat quietly with the very loud disquiet at how frustrated I was feeling…and while using my body as a tuning fork, in the midst of that stillness a strong voice from within said, “Seek not appreciation, rather seek to appreciate.” Wow! Did that change my perceptions? That’s was a bit full on and confronting for me, yet I did kind of understand what it meant. However to explore further, I asked the feeling to show me where in my past I lost touch with the true and real appreciation of life around me, turning it into trying to get appreciated. It was quite clear. I’ve been a metaphysician before, in past lives and certainly an indigo child in this life. I came knowing a lot, seeing what others couldn’t see. Often I knew things and noticed stuff others overlooked, it led me to be, even as a child, a person who would say things so close to the mark that it took those around me by surprise, including myself. They would feel uneasy, they would feel revealed and seen in ways they were uncomfortable with and I didn’t yet know how to hide this part of me for my own protection. I always felt I HAD to tell them otherwise I would be blamed or responsible for the bad things coming.
Inexplicable things happened to me ( or so it seemed) when in reality I was creating them through my love for life and her gifting me goodness in her love of being so appreciated.
All of this meant I wasn’t a good fit for my parents, friends, teachers, preachers or the world around me. I have found myself needing to explain myself a lot throughout my life, seeking to be understood and also because I had to modify who I was and how I fit into the system. I ended up feeling as if I was not appreciated at all for who I truly was and the appreciation I did receive, was for the false facsimile of me I created to “fit in the world”.
So here I was now and my deeper self was saying, “Hey it’s time to recognise, face, embrace and change that part of you! You’ve come far enough in your self exploration and personal evolution, so now take that next step. Your heart loves the feeling of appreciating life, people, situations, opportunities and all that life has to give…this is it, this is where you feel safe and the wonder of life!”
“Your heart has no desire to seek appreciation from others. What for? Actively seeking favour, kudos and appreciation is self-depreciating. This is the ego mind’s defence mechanism for its feelings of inadequacy, self doubt and the fear of not coping with what the ‘system and world’ throws at you. Let it go! Step to where you belong!”
Embracing this new vision has brought great change into my life since then! It seems like such a small step for me yet it’s a huge step for my life and I am noticing the subtle and obvious transformations! Quite beautiful really! The most telling and rich metaphor for this change was symbolically expressed in my “foxy lady” experience that happened a day before my son arrived home. Seems like it happened to guide me and prepare me for the transformation that was coming to my life and me. It opened my eyes more to the realisation that was on my doorstep so to speak, as yet unknown to me.
My Foxy Lesson
Living in a semi rural area, foxes are universally hated by most people for obvious reasons! But I love them! They are so cute, clever, cunning and cheeky to boot. I love how well they are able to camouflage themselves and indeed their totem is subterfuge and cleverness. They trick my dogs all the time. They are incredibly adaptive and are like chameleons living equally well in wild, rural, urban and suburban areas. This chameleon quality is something I have had to practice in my own life as I have walked around in my world laying low and wondering how others would react if they knew what I can see.
I love how foxes miss nothing and see everything. They appear to practice the art of observation, noticing fine detail in life, wondering in a deeper way what it means. They are so curious and sometimes can’t help themselves. They have to satisfy their curiosity, but they know when and from whom to run. People hate them for how they kill domestic animals; seem to hate them for how successful they are. How ironic. That’s humans for you. Foxes do way less harm and nothing worse than what humans themselves do. They are just as adaptable and flexible.
So on that Monday night, something so magical happened. Spirit visited me, recouping my sense of self and told me, “Your askew-ness is wonderful, your outsider status is Gold, you are fine as you are.”
Earlier I had seen a fox lurking around the club rooms of the tennis club where I played night tennis. When I commented, the general consensus was that these horrible creatures are vermin and need to be exterminated. As I left, I found this little fox in the car park, she followed me to my car and began to circle it, I sat down and she approached me very cautiously, one move and she would flee. It was midnight and a full moon blazing light all over the bushes and grass where I sat down. This foxy lady approached me and then withdrew, I reached and she pulled away. I pulled away and she reached. I chased her, she ran. I ran she chased me. I hid, she came to find me, we played hide and seek around bushes, trees and a pole. I lay on the grass and she came and sniffed me, nudged me a bit. Then I hid behind my car as everyone else came out and left. Then I was alone with her again.
I felt like it was just her and me in the world. These other people would have spoiled our fun with their, “What the hell are you doing?” After an hour and a half of this tantalizing play she trusted me enough to allow herself to be close enough for me to touch her. I pulled her across in front of me as she was playing tug of war with a stick I had offered her. She was so playful and I thought she must be an adolescent.
Eventually in the moonlight she sat beside me and enjoyed a full body pat, massage and scratch. She was a magnificent specimen, beautiful markings and thick coat. As I held her paws, she just sat there enjoying the contact. She rubbed on me, gnawed at my shoes and pulled at my jacket. This moment was gold, just gold. It was incredibly precious to me for what it was revealing to me about my life, synchronistic magic. It dawned on me then that she had come to show me how much of an outlaw or outsider energy I have carried with me throughout my life. I realised that my deeper soul self told me things about life that made so much sense and yet, in direct conflict to that, so much about my social and cultural education and how the system works just didn’t fit, didn’t sit right for me, made very little sense and I ended up feeling askew, adrift, weird and spooky.
I noticed that all of the time I was playing with her and in contact with her, something inside me knew precisely, in fine detail where her boundaries were. I was in a kind of Zen zone, fully respecting, in precise terms, how far I could go with her and what was out of bounds. It was magnificent. The experience guided me to know my own boundaries, where my comfort zone lies and how to respect and revere that for myself. My experience reminded me of a wonderful movie to watch, The Fox and The Child.
What Did I Learn?
Last night (the night before writing this article), on the National Geographic channel an ad came on. Picture this; a man is lost in the high mountains, wolves tracking his every step. Eventually he succumbs and sinks into the snow where he begins to freeze to death. A while later he opens his eyes and finds he is covered in wolves. They have lain down over him to give him warmth. Perhaps this was a message from spirit saying, “OK…go ahead, write your article for Timberwolf now. You are ready and you do love life. Appreciate the chance to share your stories, wisdom and observations so that others can value life WITH you! Paint your picture and share your beauty.”
The more I find to appreciate in my life, the people in it, the world around me and the chances it offers me; the more it seems life shows me her glory and the dross and dankness falls away effortlessly. Now that’s great practice in the art of creating your own reality. It’s a strong formula for building love in your life and allowing all that is not love to just be “irrelevant”
Thank you to my Laptop for eating up my article then, and not now.
Thank you Timberwolf for your site!